Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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