Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
