The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
