so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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