This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
