if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
