Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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