she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize