I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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