youre lurking in front of me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
