Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Do vagina's smell?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
