he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize