Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
