mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
