i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
