he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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