We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
