I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
