So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
