i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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