omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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