Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
