Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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