I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
