i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
