I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
