"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
