Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize