he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
