Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
