Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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