the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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