Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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