I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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