I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
