You just made me feel so damn special
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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