you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
