The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
