Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
