ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
