so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
