You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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