We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
