and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Say something about gay babies.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
