My room smells like vodka and shame
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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