Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
