I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
