You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
