yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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