That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
