I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize