I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
