He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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