the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
