I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
