I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
