She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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