this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
