Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
