When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We left an ass print on the piano.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
