Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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