If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can vaginas get frostbite?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
