Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
