he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
