I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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