I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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