Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
