one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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