Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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