I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize