If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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