Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
