he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
