i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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