After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
