seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
