There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
