It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize