"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Alive.
So much puke
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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