I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
50% drunk capacity currently
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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