ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
