You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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