may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
