can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
