Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
