My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Randomize
